I DIDN’T KNOW GIRAFFES COULD TYPE. 

I really don’t know what to do. I’m really confused. Well I’m not confused. I know I’m not going to try to ruin her happiness or anything. I’m not going to touch her. I know she’s happy and even though it’s not with me, I’m happy for her. I just want what’s best for her, even if that’s not me. Donghae and Jay are mad at me and I know and understand why. I just wish we could be friends for Melissa’s sake but I don’t see that happening anytime soon. 

Kangin’s been through a lot in his life and I really don’t think people understand that. The parents he had before weren’t nice to him. He has parents now and he still doesn’t understand. He has a lot of issues and he’s not crazy. He’s been diagnosed by at least three doctors as brain damaged and the multiple blows to the head in the past few months is making him worse. He’s not crazy and he’s not going to hurt anyone just because he says he’s going to. He just wants to do things at his own pace and really, he’s trying really hard to push himself to be normal because he doesn’t want to embarrass his husband or his siblings or anyone, so he’s really trying. But if he keeps pushing himself, he’s not going to get anywhere. He’s doing this on his own, too, because he doesn’t want to bother people. Like doesn’t anyone notice he barely says a word to anyone except for Leeteuk? And even then, he really watches what he does and that’s because he gets in these “I don’t want to bother anyone” moods. I guess I just pay more attention to everyone. 

I just. I don’t /want/ to be in love with Melissa anymore. It hurts. Donghae’s doing things and saying things to me now to throw it in my face and it really hurts. I’m so glad I have these people though because they’ve been nice to me, even when I snap at them. But no. I just want to stop. But I can’t. My heart hurts and I feel really lonely but I just can’t stop loving her. 

So Kibum and Jae came over today, which is nice but I know Kibum smokes with Simon when he comes over. We know Jae gets upset so we decided to come up with a plan. We’re not AGAINST Jae being upset, we know why he is but Kibum promised us this would be the last time. And the only reason we’re doing this is because Kibum promised Jae he would stop and here he is, soooo….We don’t want them to get in a fight. Plan is working so far. We just have to keep Jae distracted.

My hormones started kicking in when I was 13. I hit puberty early I guess? I was friends with Tabi, Youngbae and Kangin. I was all over all three of them. Kangin didn’t want me like that because he was too busy crushing over the guy who worked down the street, Youngbae was too shy and he dragged me to church when I first kissed him and dunked me in holy water, and Tabi…well…Tabi put up with it. When I turned sixteen, I couldn’t keep my dick in my pants and I called Tabi and we ended up having phone sex. After we hung up, he came to my house and he fucked me. We had a fuck buddy relationship for a loooong time. Mostly because I was in love with his lurch ass from the time I was 16 until now. Wow I was a whore. We fucked for like the entire night that night and then we fucked in school and after school and….yeah. So yeah that’s childhood story number one. I could write a book with my adventures with the three of them. My crew.

Heechul, Hankyung: Rock music will play out of nowhere, a dragon 
Yesung, Siwon: Planets, crosses
Sungmin, Ryeowook: The sky will turn pink, giraffes
Hongki, Jo: Music notes, bunnies (a lot of bunnies)
Daesung, Seohyun: Wings (just wings), bees
Henry, Zhou Mi: Violin music, shopping bags will appear
Kyuhyun, Chanel: Pixels, rap beats
Shindong, Dani: Food, dubstep


That’s enough for now. Hurricane x__x

. 

Donghae, Melissa, Jay: Rain, cloud, star
Tabi, me, Sunny: Sun, rainbow, sun bursts (different than sun…just random bursts of light..Like a strobe light)
Kangin, Leeteuk: Thunder/lightning (different than a regular storm…This is a severe storm), downpour (much different from rain…This is a straight down pour with strong wind) 
Hyukjae, Kibum: Wind in different colors (I’ve seen this), fire (obvious)
Yoona, Sterling, Drama: Moon, tornado, tsunami (Scary as fuck but harmless.)
Seungri, Yuri: Hurricane, lights (they will magically appear)
Youngbae, CL: They have the same one, which is a butterfly (Again, magically appear)
Tiffany, that little white boy: Flowers, smoke (Flowers will appear anywhere, regardless if outside or inside…Smoke will appear as well but it’s usually pretty)

That’s all I’ve studied so far. I’ll update when I know everyone else’s.